After lots of discussion, careful consideration and consultation with specialists and with friends, we have decided to follow the recommendation to have B2 delivered by c-section.

While I don't recall E's birth as being quite the traumatic event I'm told it was (could be that I was out of my mind with the exertion of labour and no epidural), I have become quite anxious about B2's delivery and the possible likely reoccurrence of some of the complications that previously arose. Particularly as I'm told those complications are now 5 times more likely and could be even more serious this time, lead to longer term damage, the almost guaranteed need for emergency surgery I'm warned by my Ob and the need for future surgeries. With E to consider and my future of caring for two children, a c-section offers us the best controlled outcome and I am lucky enough to have plenty of family on hand to assist with the recovery.

dont get excited, this is E just an hour old

It is not a decision we made lightly, I researched like crazy, spoke to girlfriends who have experienced vaginal and surgical births and I spoke to several friends in the medical profession also including seeking the advice of a respected OBGYN who is a good friend and read my clinical notes of E's delivery.

While it has taken me awhile to come to terms with having major surgery (and a needle in my spine)
, especially after my commitment to a natural birth last time, I ultimately have never been obsessed with how my baby arrives, just that it does so safely. As my Ob told me when I was pregnant with E, you're only pregnant for one reason and that is to have a baby. There is no medal at the end for any choices you make, pregnancy and labour are a means to an end and the only prize is taking home a healthy baby.

So with all that in mind, I am comfortable with what is to come in just a few days time and I'm so excited to meet, hold and love the newest member of our little family. I also have to say that I'm pretty much bursting to know if the newest member will be pink or blue!

Stay tuned and I promise to share B2's arrival as soon as possible...

So first time round, I had 3 bags for hospital and before you scoff, 3 bags makes perfect sense if you think about it ... my bag, a baby bag and a labour bag. In my mind there is no point lugging all your stay gear to the birthing suite and then have poor husband rummaging through everything trying to find a single item. I plan on packing 3 bags again but limiting the included items more so than round 1 where I packed everything from Arnica tablets (supposed to help with bruising but I wouldn't know as I forgot to take them) to tennis balls (don't laugh, they were to massage my lower back ... that was flat on the bed for most of my labour).

This time you will find the following in my labour bag ... most of which may not be necessary if we have a scheduled c-section (see earlier birth options post):

• Birthing dress - its a Lovable maternity wrap dress I wore last time also
• Lollies - fizzy cola bottles were the best!
• Gatorade or lemon cordial drinks - the last thing I wanted was sips of water
• Change of clothes for S including a jumper and board shorts in case I end up in the shower or bath
• Snacks for S (so he has no reason to leave my side)
• Phone charger
• Camera
• Blanket to wrap B2 in and first outfit (just a jumpsuit & singlet)
• Lip balm for dry lips
• Underwear, maternity pad & clean clothes/pjs for after

In my hospital bag:

• breastfeeding singlets
• 2 pairs of pajamas with button down tops
• leggings/yoga pants
• two cardigans/ wraps
• light cotton bathrobe
• 10 pairs of large cotton underwear - to be tossed after each wear
• toiletries including new body wash, a light moisturiser, thick maternity pads and dry shampoo, light makeup like BB/CC cream
• slippers and 2 pairs of thick socks
• Ipad for any possible downtime
• plastic bags for dirty clothes
• snacks including fresh fruit (pears are a good choice for many reasons)
• Own pillow and bath towel - comforts of home plus those hospital towels are small and scratchy
• Journal to record any memories or to make notes
• Hair dryer - perfect on a cool setting to dry stitches after a shower
• Breast pads - I didn't use them last time but milk may come in quicker so better to be prepared
• Thongs for the shower
• Something comfortable to wear home

My must have non-negotiables:

• Kleenex flushable wipes
• Ural - stops the stinging when you pee
• Signature The Cinch wrap - this was a gift from my SIL last time around and it was a godsend for supporting my lower back, especially while breast feeding as I had no core strength from pregnancy and it also helped my muscles figure out where to go back too and flatten my stomach and closing the separation gap fast.
• Roll on deo
• iPad/iPhone charger
• A pic of E for my bedside
• A pack for E with books, crayons etc to entertain him during visits
• Mothercare pure lanolin nipple balm

I had a meeting with my Obstetrician this week to discuss birthing options. I hadn't realised there would be options to discuss this time around and just assumed B2 would be born by an attempted vaginal birth just like E with Caesarian a possibility if complications arose. Turns out I don't know as much as I like to think I do and that after my last birth experience, all options must be considered and discussed.

I hadn't realised E's birth was quite the ordeal it apparently was and to be honest, I didn't really reflect on it for long after given I had a healthy baby in my arms to focus on. Turns out the midwives, Obstetricians and even S feel it was quite the experience however and some of the complications that occurred throughout are now up to 5 times more likely to happen during this birth.

If you've been reading for awhile (and don't mind some blood and gore), you will know I was induced with E due to high blood pressure that was causing serious oedema (swelling/fluid retention) and the labour was a drawn out affair with reactions by E and I to syntocin, E turning posterior and getting stuck on the lip of my cervix, an episiotomy, third degree tearing and a postpartum hemorrhage all followed by pre-cancerous cells and a LETZ procedure at 8 weeks postpartum.

As there is less than two years between my births and with all the stress placed on my body from my previous pregnancy and labour, the hospital Obstetricians have discussed the likelihood of any or all of the above occurring again and have given me a decision to make around whether I would like to try for a vaginal delivery with B2 or an elective Caesarian. I have been advised I will be fully supported either way and that of course every birth is different and this one could be a breeze. So for now, I have some thinking to do.

I have to balance the anxiety I am feeling towards this labour given all the dredging up of negatives from my first along with S' naturally over anxious tendencies (which I'm pretty sure are simmering strongly but being held tightly under wraps for me right now) with some calm rationalising as to what is the best option for B2, me and our family.

I actually think S still suffers a little trauma from E's birth (he passed out just after) and today told me that he didn't even know clothes pegs could be used the way they were in the birth suite last time and that he still has flashbacks when he hangs out the clothes every now and then. I laughed a little but part of me was slightly horrified ... I have no idea what he is talking about and honestly, I don't really want to either.

My major focus if I set aside my fears from past experience, is more the recovery period than the birth itself and if I suffer a worse or even the same tear (which I'm told is highly likely), it could mean recovery is the same as a Caesarian. I am very aware that a C-section is major surgery and I had a drug free birth last time largely in part due to my terror of needles and the epidural whereas there will be no avoiding one if a C-section is the path chosen this time. I'm also aware that my risks of the same or a worse tear can be heightened by induction and the associated drugs used to augment labour, whether baby presents posterior as E did and in the end I could end up needing surgery to repair any tearing and subsequent surgeries depending on the ultimate damage.

The funny thing is, regardless of what I decide, that could all be a moot point by my next appointment following some results for baby we will receive after a 32 week scan at which point a Caesarian may be the only safe option available.

So for now, I'm trying to weigh up the pros and cons and decide on a delivery option that brings me the least amount of anxiety as there is still at least 8 weeks to go in this pregnancy and I don't want to spend them upset, worried and anxious.

Has anyone been in a similar position and have any advice or experiences to share?