I had a meeting with my Obstetrician this week to discuss birthing options. I hadn't realised there would be options to discuss this time around and just assumed B2 would be born by an attempted vaginal birth just like E with Caesarian a possibility if complications arose. Turns out I don't know as much as I like to think I do and that after my last birth experience, all options must be considered and discussed.

I hadn't realised E's birth was quite the ordeal it apparently was and to be honest, I didn't really reflect on it for long after given I had a healthy baby in my arms to focus on. Turns out the midwives, Obstetricians and even S feel it was quite the experience however and some of the complications that occurred throughout are now up to 5 times more likely to happen during this birth.

If you've been reading for awhile (and don't mind some blood and gore), you will know I was induced with E due to high blood pressure that was causing serious oedema (swelling/fluid retention) and the labour was a drawn out affair with reactions by E and I to syntocin, E turning posterior and getting stuck on the lip of my cervix, an episiotomy, third degree tearing and a postpartum hemorrhage all followed by pre-cancerous cells and a LETZ procedure at 8 weeks postpartum.

As there is less than two years between my births and with all the stress placed on my body from my previous pregnancy and labour, the hospital Obstetricians have discussed the likelihood of any or all of the above occurring again and have given me a decision to make around whether I would like to try for a vaginal delivery with B2 or an elective Caesarian. I have been advised I will be fully supported either way and that of course every birth is different and this one could be a breeze. So for now, I have some thinking to do.

I have to balance the anxiety I am feeling towards this labour given all the dredging up of negatives from my first along with S' naturally over anxious tendencies (which I'm pretty sure are simmering strongly but being held tightly under wraps for me right now) with some calm rationalising as to what is the best option for B2, me and our family.

I actually think S still suffers a little trauma from E's birth (he passed out just after) and today told me that he didn't even know clothes pegs could be used the way they were in the birth suite last time and that he still has flashbacks when he hangs out the clothes every now and then. I laughed a little but part of me was slightly horrified ... I have no idea what he is talking about and honestly, I don't really want to either.

My major focus if I set aside my fears from past experience, is more the recovery period than the birth itself and if I suffer a worse or even the same tear (which I'm told is highly likely), it could mean recovery is the same as a Caesarian. I am very aware that a C-section is major surgery and I had a drug free birth last time largely in part due to my terror of needles and the epidural whereas there will be no avoiding one if a C-section is the path chosen this time. I'm also aware that my risks of the same or a worse tear can be heightened by induction and the associated drugs used to augment labour, whether baby presents posterior as E did and in the end I could end up needing surgery to repair any tearing and subsequent surgeries depending on the ultimate damage.

The funny thing is, regardless of what I decide, that could all be a moot point by my next appointment following some results for baby we will receive after a 32 week scan at which point a Caesarian may be the only safe option available.

So for now, I'm trying to weigh up the pros and cons and decide on a delivery option that brings me the least amount of anxiety as there is still at least 8 weeks to go in this pregnancy and I don't want to spend them upset, worried and anxious.

Has anyone been in a similar position and have any advice or experiences to share?