After lots of discussion, careful consideration and consultation with specialists and with friends, we have decided to follow the recommendation to have B2 delivered by c-section.

While I don't recall E's birth as being quite the traumatic event I'm told it was (could be that I was out of my mind with the exertion of labour and no epidural), I have become quite anxious about B2's delivery and the possible likely reoccurrence of some of the complications that previously arose. Particularly as I'm told those complications are now 5 times more likely and could be even more serious this time, lead to longer term damage, the almost guaranteed need for emergency surgery I'm warned by my Ob and the need for future surgeries. With E to consider and my future of caring for two children, a c-section offers us the best controlled outcome and I am lucky enough to have plenty of family on hand to assist with the recovery.

dont get excited, this is E just an hour old

It is not a decision we made lightly, I researched like crazy, spoke to girlfriends who have experienced vaginal and surgical births and I spoke to several friends in the medical profession also including seeking the advice of a respected OBGYN who is a good friend and read my clinical notes of E's delivery.

While it has taken me awhile to come to terms with having major surgery (and a needle in my spine)
, especially after my commitment to a natural birth last time, I ultimately have never been obsessed with how my baby arrives, just that it does so safely. As my Ob told me when I was pregnant with E, you're only pregnant for one reason and that is to have a baby. There is no medal at the end for any choices you make, pregnancy and labour are a means to an end and the only prize is taking home a healthy baby.

So with all that in mind, I am comfortable with what is to come in just a few days time and I'm so excited to meet, hold and love the newest member of our little family. I also have to say that I'm pretty much bursting to know if the newest member will be pink or blue!

Stay tuned and I promise to share B2's arrival as soon as possible...

I had a meeting with my Obstetrician this week to discuss birthing options. I hadn't realised there would be options to discuss this time around and just assumed B2 would be born by an attempted vaginal birth just like E with Caesarian a possibility if complications arose. Turns out I don't know as much as I like to think I do and that after my last birth experience, all options must be considered and discussed.

I hadn't realised E's birth was quite the ordeal it apparently was and to be honest, I didn't really reflect on it for long after given I had a healthy baby in my arms to focus on. Turns out the midwives, Obstetricians and even S feel it was quite the experience however and some of the complications that occurred throughout are now up to 5 times more likely to happen during this birth.

If you've been reading for awhile (and don't mind some blood and gore), you will know I was induced with E due to high blood pressure that was causing serious oedema (swelling/fluid retention) and the labour was a drawn out affair with reactions by E and I to syntocin, E turning posterior and getting stuck on the lip of my cervix, an episiotomy, third degree tearing and a postpartum hemorrhage all followed by pre-cancerous cells and a LETZ procedure at 8 weeks postpartum.

As there is less than two years between my births and with all the stress placed on my body from my previous pregnancy and labour, the hospital Obstetricians have discussed the likelihood of any or all of the above occurring again and have given me a decision to make around whether I would like to try for a vaginal delivery with B2 or an elective Caesarian. I have been advised I will be fully supported either way and that of course every birth is different and this one could be a breeze. So for now, I have some thinking to do.

I have to balance the anxiety I am feeling towards this labour given all the dredging up of negatives from my first along with S' naturally over anxious tendencies (which I'm pretty sure are simmering strongly but being held tightly under wraps for me right now) with some calm rationalising as to what is the best option for B2, me and our family.

I actually think S still suffers a little trauma from E's birth (he passed out just after) and today told me that he didn't even know clothes pegs could be used the way they were in the birth suite last time and that he still has flashbacks when he hangs out the clothes every now and then. I laughed a little but part of me was slightly horrified ... I have no idea what he is talking about and honestly, I don't really want to either.

My major focus if I set aside my fears from past experience, is more the recovery period than the birth itself and if I suffer a worse or even the same tear (which I'm told is highly likely), it could mean recovery is the same as a Caesarian. I am very aware that a C-section is major surgery and I had a drug free birth last time largely in part due to my terror of needles and the epidural whereas there will be no avoiding one if a C-section is the path chosen this time. I'm also aware that my risks of the same or a worse tear can be heightened by induction and the associated drugs used to augment labour, whether baby presents posterior as E did and in the end I could end up needing surgery to repair any tearing and subsequent surgeries depending on the ultimate damage.

The funny thing is, regardless of what I decide, that could all be a moot point by my next appointment following some results for baby we will receive after a 32 week scan at which point a Caesarian may be the only safe option available.

So for now, I'm trying to weigh up the pros and cons and decide on a delivery option that brings me the least amount of anxiety as there is still at least 8 weeks to go in this pregnancy and I don't want to spend them upset, worried and anxious.

Has anyone been in a similar position and have any advice or experiences to share?

If you used to read my old blog, you may know that while pregnant with E, I saw a wonderful Obstetrician privately for my pregnancy care but birthed at the local public hospital. This option worked well because initially I didn't have the time to wait around for appointments at the public clinic, I loved having the personal care given it was my first pregnancy and then as my pre-eclampsia took hold, it became reassuring to have focus and attention of one of the Queensland's leading Obstetricians.

To recap, in my first pregnancy, I saw an Ob and my GP (as he keeps Sat/Sun hours) in addition to undertaking Calmbirth classes with a practising hospital MW, accupuncture with another practising hospital MW and many monitoring appointments with MWs.

This time around, I am much more aware of what is going on with my body and what to expect so don't necessarily crave the care of an Obstetrician and to be quite honest, would prefer to avoid the expense if at all possible. I am once again having bub at the Gold Coast Hospital after a wonderful experience there last time but I am lucky in that our world class University hospital has opened so I will deliver there instead of the old Southport facility. The new hospital is pretty spectacular and comes complete with private rooms for maternity and state of the art birthing suites complete with pools in each - FYI I'm not planning a water birth.

Unfortunately due to the pre-eclampsia, induction, post partum hemorrhage and my LETZ procedure for cervical cancer (at 12 weeks pp) last time around, this pregnancy is classed as high risk whether I like it or not. I have an excellent and very attentive GP who also watched over my first pregnancy and who I am still seeing but recognise that I do need a more specific care this time around given the heightened risks. I will obviously need to see the hospital Obs but that then means lengthy wait times etc. With this in mind, I figured I'd just see my Ob once again and the hospital ones minimally but I wanted to investigate one other option I had recently heard of.

On the Gold Coast, there have been several midwifery practices open in recent years and I became aware of this at a Children's Health & Wellbeing expo I attended earlier in the year. I have been interested in investigating this further so a couple of weeks ago I googled and found Midwifery Services Gold Coast - http://www.midwiferyservices.com.au/. One name and face stood out as familiar - I was sure the lead midwife was the same MW who induced me, monitored my labour and all but delivered Ethan (things went pear shaped towards the end and we had a few Obs & Paeds etc with us at delivery so one of them ended up catching him). She supported us throughout a long and distressing 12 hours and even stayed past her shift till the very end and as a result, I have wonderful memories of her and how her support helped us. I called my mum as she was in delivery with us to ask her if she recalled the midwife and she confirmed my suspicions so I called the practice.

'My' MW actually answered the phone and after I introduced myself, gave some background and explained my reason for calling, she was able to remember me. She still works one day a week at the GC Hospital it turns out. We discussed the care and services offered by the practice including that I was still eligible despite my high risk category and the options available to me. There is a Shared Care option that is eligible for Medicare and provides care up until baby is 6 weeks old. This option will reduce your wait times  for appointments (as you will not have to attend public clinics as often) and provide plenty of experienced support for the entire pregnancy and labour experience.

The second option is Continuity of Care Complete Birth Experience. You will have individual hands on care by one named MW and access 7 days a week 24 hours a day and for 6 weeks after birth. Your lead named MW will be on call for your birth and will support you through labour and birth at the hospital with the hospital team. This option I was pleased to discover is covered by my private health insurance and means that I will be able to have the same MW who supported me through Ethan's birth once again there to do the same with this baby.

I am open to seeing my previous Obstetrician also if it is warranted as I have been advised my cervix will need monitoring this time after the LETZ procedure but I am confident in my share care choices should everything be relatively fuss free this time. I am excited to take advantage of MW care this time as truly, the experiences I had with MWs throughout my first pregnancy shaped my views on birth, labour and gave me the strength to have the birth I hoped for.

I have my appointment with Midwifery Services Gold Coast later today and am very much looking forward to it. I will continue to update about my share care choices and how they are working out as the pregnancy progresses.