Not to be confused with new year resolutions (bit late for those) , I took a long hard look at myself and the life I lived in 2017 and I've set myself a pretty big list of goals to achieve in 2018. I wanted to share them here so it makes me feel more accountable and so I can track them as the year goes on.

2018 is a huge year for us as a family because E started prep - I know, PREP! And this means we are going to have more to juggle, more to organise so I really want to be the best possible mum I can this year and get the most out of the journey ahead for us all.

Stay tuned, its a long one:


Personal

Pray more and worry less - I don't want to waste minutes and hours on things that may never happen so I'm going let go of the outcomes I can't control and not waste my time.

Say yes and be slow to anger - I notice when we are all rushing and so busy and especially during the last part of the year when we are all tired out, I'm quick to shoot things down because they just seem too hard or like too much effort  or I snap instead of pausing to gain patience. Is it really the end of the world if we leave the washing on Saturday's to go to the beach instead or if the boys stay up an extra 5 minutes for a dance party?

Less phone/social media time - one I'm sure we all relate to. My phone time got especially excessive in Oct/Nov when the Queensland election campaign was called. In fairness, it was my job to be on and available 24/7 but once it was over, I found it hard to break the habit and put my phone down. This year I'm going to save as much of the screen time as possible till when the boys are sleeping and only allow myself a short time at night without encroaching on time to catch-up with S.

Beauty time - I rarely spent anytime in 2017 painting my nails or having mini spa sessions with face masks and treatments. This year instead of spending time on my phone, I'm going to spend time on me and my skin - I'm not getting any younger so its probably a good idea.

Reading - I love to read and devour books by my favourite authors in one sitting (I read Gone with the Wind in 6 hours as a teen) but this year I think I managed 2 books in 12 months. I find reading so relaxing and therapeutic so I need to make time for it. This year I'm going to read at least 1 book per month and I'll do a post on a few I've picked so far for my list.

Blogging - I love blogging but I've kind of lost my mojo as its become such a big business industry now and I'm guilty of comparing myself to those who blog as a job ... this is purely a fun creative outlet for me but I often don't hit publish on a post because I feel like my photos aren't right or slick enough etc. I need to push those thoughts away and remind myself that I do this for me ... and because I like interacting with like-minded people out there.

Holidays - After 2 overseas trips with the boys in 2 years, I really want to do more with them. Yes they are exhausting but I want to make memories and show them the world while they are young (and actually want to holiday with us). Time goes way too fast and I don't want to miss the opportunities to see different places through their eyes.



House

Finances - organise our finances better to make sure they are working at their best for us and our needs. A quick search found we can very easily get a significantly better rate on our mortgage so I'm going to spend some time checking all of our services and products to get the best deals and save money.

Backyard - as far as house goes, there are a million small (and big) jobs to do but this year we want to landscape our backyard now S has almost cleared it to a blank canvas. But in even bigger (and more exciting) goals, we want to put a pool in over Winter. I've already started getting quotes and fingers crossed we can get the go ahead in April.


Health & Fitness

Drink more water - I really do need to remind myself of this because when I do, I feel so much better. I've started drinking 1 litre first thing in the morning for around 2 weeks now and I'm already noticing a difference in my skin as well as feeling less bloated.

Eat more whole foods - we eat quite well (the boys eat extremely well) but S and I don't eat as many whole foods as I think we need to. We both love vegetables and salads but are guilty of not eating much fruit despite chopping up mountains of it a day for the boys. We I also want to eat more pulse and legume based meals, simply because I don't particularly like the taste of red meat for the most part, its cheaper and better for us.

Go to bed earlier - I'm a night owl, I could sit up till 1am watching tv or on social media most nights and then get up at 6:30/7am and function. It does take its toll eventually though and it does affect my motivation, attitude and all round well-being.

Exercise - it makes me happier and I feel better, stronger and more confident. Its hard to motivate somedays but I'm aiming for a minimum or 4 workouts a week - a combination of walking/running and Kayla Itsines Sweat workouts.

Wanting

It's our third wedding anniversary today and in true romantic style, S has gone above and beyond with a gift to commemorate it.... He agreed to the purchase of a Thermomix! I know, it doesn't get much better than that and to say I'm excited is an understatement. Enough to make up for the fact that I'm home watching The Block with a sleeping E while he is playing soccer. That said, we did have a night out earlier in the week to make up for it.

So If we were following gift guides, it should have been leather on the traditional list (hmmmm could have been interesting) and glass, crystal or pearls on the modern. I wouldn't say no to a strand of pearls but hey, a thermie will end up being a heck of a lot more useful and particularly with B2 joining us soon.

We've been shopping up a storm:

Now that's what I call Disney 4 disc boxset
Target festive mason jar sippy
Target dinosaur shaped sandwich cutter - only $3 and the perfect simple way to make sandwiches lots of fun.
More Christmas decorations - got to love 40% off at Target and Myer.


Making Christmas presents - personalised gifts for the ILs from Snapfish. With a 60% off code last week these were all of $10! The perfect stocking stuffers.


Christmas baking! I had to make something to share for Ethan's daycare Christmas party and conscious of egg allergies/intolerance's, I decided to use a cookie recipe that didn't require egg. With only 4 ingredients, these should have been simple but thanks to the sweltering humidity here and the copious amount of butter included, I had to refrigerate the dough in batches for at least an hour before use and roll out with my trusty Tupperware rolling pin (filled with ice water) between grease proof paper. It was a fiddly nightmare and I still have two batches of dough in the freezer as I simply couldn't face working with more of it at the time. Don't even ask what happened to the green icing that should have been included!





Decorating the office and collecting gifts for our charity present drive. I'm beyond thrilled with the support so far and I love knowing that we are helping those who need it most right now. Without doubt, giving is the best part of Christmas.

Making delicious salads with the perfect summer ingredient - pomegranate! Fresh and yummy, this one is just leaves, fennel, spring onion and mint with pomegranate, haloumi and a squeeze of lemon. Simple and refreshing, this salad is a big hit with everyone we've ever served it up to - including my dad who thinks salad should only contain lettuce, tomato, carrot, cucumber and cheese!




Christmas Carols! I'll say it again - Its the most wonderful time of the year! We headed along to the Mayor's carols with my sister, her family and some friends. We all bought along nibbles and blankets and enjoyed a festive night singing all the favourites. Ethan was in heaven with all the music and was on his best behaviour bopping along to Jingle Bell Rock.




Painting and swimming. We broke out the finger paints for the first time and E was a bit bewildered with it all and not too sure about the messy hands. We followed up with some swimming at granddads which is always a big hit!

but they never said it would be so hard either.

I realise that I am so very very lucky to be married to the man I love, mother to our perfect little boy, have a job I enjoy and the blessing of another baby to come. I am grateful for every single part of my life but being a wife, a mother, pregnant and working full time is exhausting and you know what? Sometimes it is just so damn hard. Some days I'd love to bury under the covers and skip the day altogether. Its hard to keep all the balls in the air and every now and then, one slips and you have to start juggling all over again.

Things didn't really change for us after Scott and I got married. We were already living together and life continued just as it had before our wedding so we were not at all prepared for the enormous changes that pregnancy and then parenthood brought to our lives. Sure we expected a shift and we were even happy about that but we weren't at all prepared to be 'dropped' by friends of many years and we weren't prepared for dealing with a baby with silent reflux (and now a toddler with silent reflux). We were prepared for lack of sleep (although maybe not to the extent of our reality) and the shift in our relationship and its focus but it hasn't been without its struggles.

Its almost the end of 2013 and of course the end of the year brings about reflection of what has passed. Its been a big year for us, as have the two before it and I could never have dreamed the highs and lows if I tried. Here is some of my year in review (not in any order):

* We welcomed the most precious little girl to start 2013 - our 3rd niece, the gorgeous Lillee.
* We had to deal with some health scares for me and for Ethan that thankfully have all been managed and treated. Sadly though, Ethan is still requiring medication for his silent reflux as its just too severe even now to continue without but we continue to hope its something he will outgrow.
* Our baby boy turned 1! Who knows where the time went and how my baby became a toddler but he is very definitely not a baby anymore and that's okay because he is the most delightful little guy around.
* I suffered the indignity of another Blues loss... if I'm honest, I barely watch SOO anymore and go for the socialising now.
* We said goodbye to some friendships that if we were honest, were really over in 2012. There have been more than a few tears shed at my end and its still a little raw but I'm looking forward to moving on in the New Year.
* We celebrated my father receiving a well-deserved Order of Australia Medal.
* We endured over a year of a baby who thrived of minimal sleep and fought weaning with his considerable will to enjoy a boy who now sleeps through the night at long last (touch wood) and loves his sippy of milk.
* I survived the Federal election complete with hours of volunteering and a 3am start on the big day to celebrate a Coalition win!
* Our boy started daycare and with it we experienced our first true bout of separation anxiety that is just fading now.
* I shared some special occasions with my two favourite women, my mum and my sister including seeing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with them both and The Script concert with just my sister.
* We rekindled some old friendships and made some wonderful new ones that bring us a lot of joy and happiness. I'm also lucky enough to be a part of the most amazing 'mothers group' who give me their support and unstinting friendship always.
* We celebrated the lives of some treasured people who will forever be in our hearts and memories.
* I started a new career after 15 years in the real estate industry and its turned out to be the best possible change I could imagine complete with a supportive and hardworking boss who is a pleasure to work with.
* After some initial shock, we celebrate an unexpected pregnancy and now await the big arrival of B2 in 2014.

Pregnancy the second time around with a toddler underfoot has been a little hard on me and I've been constantly tired, often nauseous and not much help to Scott lately who has been picking up the slack with cooking, getting up with E at 5am and keeping the house. As a result, we are both snappy and tired so Christmas this year can't come fast enough with the much needed break it brings, a blessing for us. Two weeks together doing nothing but relaxing and having fun is just what we need to welcome in the New Year and all 2014 holds in store for us.

At the end of the day, life is hard but you know what? The highs, lows, losses and gains .... Its all worth it.

How was your 2013?

Only recently, Scott and I, at the urging of my mother in law, have once again recognised our need for regular date nights. We always talked about them and we know they are important but when you're working full time and a parent, most nights you want to have quality time with baby, eat dinner and go to bed. The last thing you can feel like doing is getting dressed and heading out! We also value every moment with E as we are away from him for work and so prefer to do things that we can include him in.

With baby 2 joining us a little sooner than expected, mother in law has insisted we concentrate on some quality couple time and make the most of it while we can. We are very lucky in that both sets of parents are more than happy to watch E for us and have him stay over but we are always conscious of how often we call upon them and not abuse it. E has had 3 sleepovers now with MIL and is according to all reports, an absolute delight. I figure she must be telling the truth or she wouldn't be so keen to have him as regularly as she requests.

Only last weekend before Scott's parents went away, they insisted on having E and us having a date night. I have to admit, I was a little bit excited when Scott suggested we take advantage and go to the newly opened Hurricane's in the Soul building at Surfers Paradise for dinner. We have both eaten at and enjoyed Hurricane's in Sydney at Bondi and Darling Harbour so were eager to see how that translated to the Gold Coast.

It was a disastrous start to the afternoon with me breaking down on the way home after dropping E off thanks to a faulty petrol gauge. Luckily Scott had finished work and was able to come and rescue me with a gerry can.

I admit, it was lovely to shower and get ready without having to amuse and entertain a toddler underfoot and it was a novelty to chat in the car about this and that on the way to dinner without having to break into Dr Knickbocker.

The restaurant is beautifully located on the first floor beach side and has a similar fit out to its Sydney counterparts. The service was prompt, we were quickly shown to our table and drinks orders placed - sparkling water for me sadly. Being a Grill, the menu emphasis was steaks, BBQ and ribs so I went with the beef skewer and Scott couldn't say no to a full rack of pork ribs. Neither of us were disappointed with our choices - the food was hot, tasty and well presented with a wait long enough for us to know it was fresh but not for us to get hungry. Scott even went so far as to say they were the best ribs he had tried! Although a little pricey, it was well worth it for service and food and we have already made a booking to go with friends for Scott's birthday in December.

Unfortunately I can't vouch for the dessert menu as there is a Baskin Robbins in Surfers and nothing beats a Sunset Sherbet scoop for me!

I have to say, the restaurant was stylish, the food was great, but the best part of the night was getting to just talk and listen uninterrupted to Scott. It made me realise we really do need to commit to regular date nights as its that one on one time together that makes our relationship strong and gives us the solid foundation to get through those days and weeks where sleep is out the window, work is stressful and E is having a Wonder Week. Those days are only going to get harder (and better) with another little person in the mix so now is the time to strengthen those foundations of ours.

Its also reminded me that its so important not to lose your romantic relationship in the midst of raising children. A close family friend who went through divorce after 2 children and 20+ years of marriage once told me she was blindsided by her husband's request for divorce and her best advice is to always work on your relationship because otherwise the kids become your life and when they're all grown up and moved on, its too late, there is nothing left to work on.

And here are some pics of E hamming it up for his Granny and the camera during his sleepover -

So there's not much I need to buy this time around (S is very pleased about this) ... mostly because a) we aren't finding out the sex b) we can use most of the items we bought for E and c) I don't have the time to pore over lists and do endless research on a million bits we don't need but I want anyway.

These are a few items we will definitely be buying (or may have already bought) this time around however:


The Bugaboo Donkey duo
We have loved our Cameleon since day 1 even if Ethan hasn't so it makes sense that we upgrade to the double version. Ethan doesn't love the pram at the best of times however he will be 22 months or thereabouts when B2 is born and as a friend with 2 and the Donkey summed up for me, 'it's a long time before kids are able to walk longer distances at a reasonable speed and safely.' I love that the Donkey gives me the option of mono mode, taking it out for short trips with E walking, B2 in pram and carrier in the basket so when E gets tired, B2 goes in the carrier and E in the pram. Obviously there is duo mode for longer days, walking/exercise, shopping etc and sitting side by side, they will be able to interact and amuse each other - E goes well in my mum's double stroller with his cousin. I will also be able to sell our Cammie for a good price to go towards the expense of a new pram and it helps  I negotiated a fantastic price at Baby Bunting - even the staff were in shock - so even S was pleased with the purchase in the end.

The new limited release Andy Warhol Happy Bugs canopy
I desperately wanted the Cammie Missoni hood but was a bit late on the release plus worried for too long that it was a bit girly for E. I procrastinated so long of course prices skyrocketed and I gave up. I have liked some of the Bugaboo partnerships but not enough to race out and buy so I was very pleased when I heard about the latest Andy Warhol collaboration. I  love both the Happy Bugs and the Starry Night but as the Starry Night is only for the Cameleon, I will settle for just the Bugs and I'm very happy to say I have my set on pre-order!

Our daycare drop offs are hideous heart wrenching events that I have come to dread each week.

E goes to kindy on Fridays and no matter how well he slept, how happy his morning was or who drops him off, he shrieks like a banshee complete with tears when its drop off time. He used to be happy enough on arrival, only getting upset when I actually left - and I always say goodbye with hugs and kisses as I've never been comfortable with sneaking out while he's not looking.

Progressively the tears have been starting earlier and earlier with walking in the door, getting out of the car then it became turning into the carpark (he's a clever cookie) and just last week, it was at the roundabout 300m down from the centre!

Now I should explain, he actually has a great day at kindy once he settles down. The teachers in his room are so wonderful and he loves the socialising, playing outside, singing, baking and snack times, and he even sleeps for 90 minutes but those drop offs just seem to get worse and worse.

Its such an awful start to my day, driving away with his tear stained face in my mind and his screaming in my ears. I usually have to give my sister or mum a call to confirm its okay and it leaves me feeling sad until I or my mum pick him up, he's all smiles and we hear that he had a wonderful day.

I hear its just a phase and they get past it plus I know going only one day a week probably makes his adjustment a little harder - hopefully we can get an extra day next year. Does your little one do this for drop off? When did it start and when did it finish? Any tips for coping and preparing?

We start the morning talking about daycare, his teachers and the children in his class, I pack a fun and yummy lunch for him that I know he enjoys because he gets excited to see his lunchbox ... anything else I can do?

Age: 16 Months

Age: 15 Months

Sometimes you just want to hear 'you know what, you're a really great mum' or 'you're doing such a great job raising xyz'.

The years may be short but the days really can be long, especially when friends fall by the wayside as their calls get fewer and farther between. It's lonely being a mumma sometimes and you end up with the strangest times for reflection ... When you're not too busy second guessing yourself.

This is not a self pitying post but rather, an honest share of motherhood, my motherhood, without the glitter and gloss.

I adore my little guy, quite simply, he and my husband are the best things that ever happened to me but its been tough. Really really tough some days, and lots of nights.

I had a great pregnancy in the respect that I had no morning sickness and felt good the majority of the time until pre-eclampsia really took hold and I was forced to slow down before being induced. Fast forward to post partum and I had an enormous health scare along with a new baby who didn't sleep and screamed or fed almost all the time(but when he wasn't screaming, my goodness he was angelic). I then headed back to work early on which was a saviour in someways and destroyed parts of me in others ... I was wracked by guilt, tormented and bullied by some and so stretched for moments let alone minutes that people lost understanding and simply walked away.

Both a special group of new mothers who were near strangers then and my sister became my rock at this time. My confidants that supported, encouraged, motivated and dried my tears more than they could ever know when Ethan yet again was up every hour of the night, when every well intentioned person had an opinion on what was 'wrong' with my baby, when we went through some frightening health scares with E and I and other times when I just felt so lonely. Without the support of these women, I quite probably could have spiraled to a very scary place but thankfully I'll never know. One of the very best pieces of advice I can share with any new mum is to find a support group whether its a playgroup, a mothers group facilitated by child health or an online forum because a group of like-minded women who are going through the same things as you can really make a big difference.

Sometimes those hard days feel like they will never ever end and those perfect days seem to pass all too quickly. Those hard days are easily made better by just a few kind words from someone who matters to you ... Along with an innocent baby smile and nowadays, the bestowing of a leaf or a cracker wrapper. It feels though that the people we most crave to acknowledge us are never aware of just how much we want their praise and just how much it would mean.

My mum is quite simply, the very best mum ever in the history of mums. She was one of those women who was born to be a mother and I thank God every single day that she's my mum and Ethan's grandmother. She is the kindest most compassionate caring person you will ever be lucky enough to meet but she's also tough and she raised us that way too - because mean mothers have the best children and truly, I'm still scared to use a swear word in her presence. I hope to be just half the mum she is and I try to emulate her in my own parenting.

My mum is the one person I wish so much would say, just once, 'you know what, you're a really great mum.'