A letter to E


How do I even begin to put into words just how very much I love you and how much that love has grown since I have watched you become a big brother. I honestly look at you some times and my heart squeezes till I feel like crying - both happy and sad tears. Happy for how wonderful you are and how lucky I am to be your mummy and sad because you are growing much too quickly for my liking.

I worried when C was born that you would struggle to accept him and sharing attention but you have proved everyday how unfounded that worry of mine was. Your gentleness, the love that shines from you when you touch your brother or talk to him, the 'Iiiiii - you Charley-Bear' you tell your little brother unprompted, how you speak to him in a sweet high pitched voice and tell everyone about him, and the biggest one in your little toddler world, the way you always offer him your favourite toys or some of your 'nack' (snacks) even your shreds that no one else gets to look at. Not once have you hurt your brother either intentionally or unintentionally and not once have we seen any jealousy or upset towards him. You amaze me with your empathy, your sensitivity and your intuition.

I also feel like I need to say sorry to you sometimes. Some days it seems like I'm constantly telling you 'just a minute' 'hang on' 'give me a sec' and I know that you don't understand any of those or why I can't tend to you straight away but you seem to accept that I'm busy and you wait or you meltdown completely and I am powerless to stop you as I have C in my arms and it breaks my heart to have you sob for me. I miss being able to just jump in the car and take you for a milkshake date whenever or to be able to sit and hold you in my lap while we read stories. We still do all of this but its just a bit more rushed or a bit more scheduled around Charlie. I also feel sad for you when we are playing or reading or just hanging out and Charlie will wake up or cry or need me and it interrupts our moment.

I know that the best gift I could have ever given you is a sibling and when C is a little older, you guys are going to be the best of friends if you have anything to do with it but in the meantime, we will continue to juggle the balancing of two babies - because it is important to remember that you are still very young and still need me so much - and do our very best to meet your needs.

Most importantly my beautiful boy, always remember, you are kind, you are clever, you are important, you are loved.

I'm sure all mummas who have welcomed a second child can identify with my feelings. X

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