Loving two children


B2's arrival is getting closer and closer with everyday ... heck, I thought baby was going to make its arrival over the weekend with all the niggles and apparent 'early' labour signs I seemed to be undergoing. As the days pass, I worry sometimes about the arrival of B2 and if I will love this baby as much as I love E. I know I will love my baby, but will it be the all consuming, heart melting love that I get just from looking at my precious first born who makes my heart squeeze and sing.

Most of all, I worry that E won't understand the changes and will be upset at the loss of having S and I solely devoted to him only. I worry that he will think he has been displaced and isn't as loved or important anymore. Thinking of this actually gives me a physical ache and I know S has been feeling the same.

Its scary to think that in just 3 or so weeks, our family of 3 will become 4 and E's whole little world will be rocked. I may be overthinking it all and I really hope I am but knowing my beautiful sensitive little boy, I know that he is gentle and emotional and doesn't yet comprehend sharing 'mummy' with anyone, not his cousins, his daddy or grandparents. He becomes distressed when he cant have my full undivided attention and he is too little to reason with when it comes to emotions.

I have a whole lot of plans and tips I hope will help us in the early days (I will share these in another post) but also, finding and reading this has given me some comfort (and lots of tears) ...

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Author Unknown

So while I'm anxious about what lies ahead for us, I'm also excited and I know that ultimately S and I will have more than enough love to share with our children. There will be a period of adjustment of course but giving E the gift of a sibling is pretty special and I know that with time, he is going to love being a big brother.

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  1. What an exciting time!

    Best of luck with the coming weeks. I know you will glide through it all.

    If you were keen, I have tagged you on my blog for a bit of a quiz.

    SSG xxx

  2. It took time here. And maybe more due to L being in hospital but Abi adores the little guy and he seems to only have eyes for her!
    Can't wait to see them grow up together!


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